Tender Mercy

Friday night Spencer and i went to the temple. And I have never laughed so hard. I felt horrible but I couldn't control myself. But that's the way my brother Daniel loved to roll. It has further become apparent to myself that Daniel still loves to tease me ..even if it is from the other side of the veil. I don't want to get into any details...but since I need to remember this day all I will write here is the name...
Dorcus.

If you need the details...please see me.


this is one of my favorite pictures of me and him when we were living in Utah together.
Halloween of 2000 I think.


And here is a normal one

Enlightened

Last Thursday night, I went over to Michelle's house and we watched "Akeelah and the Bee". Such a great movie. There was a quote in that movie that Laurence Fishbourne had Akeelah say out loud as he was coaching her. And it made my frame tremble.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

And then today in Relief Society, Claudia made the remark at the beginning of her lesson about how as women we are so hard on ourselves...like I can't cook, or sow, or do this or that, or I don't look like this or that..... And then someone else made the comment that we would never treat someone else as horribly as we treat ourselves. So with all this information swimming around in my head I feel enlightened. I have felt for awhile now that I am being imprisoned by my current employer. And I don't think I have really realized why until now. I started off working there thinking it wouldn't be for very long, we just needed some extra cash..yada, yada, yada. Well, 5 years later! I still haven't left and done what I need to do. I know I am capable of so much more. And I am going to do it. I am so thrilled Spencer has the same dreams of independence as I do. And he is doing amazing at it. Soon, I can go back to school full time. And you know what... I want to make designer furniture. Not huge furniture like couches..but wood pieces...and I want to paint. I love to paint. Whether it is a wall in my house, or a picture frame. And I want to exercise all the time...I want to compete in marathons and triathalons and bikathons. Who am I NOT to do these things? Especially, when it can inspire that kind of confidence in others. Confidence in doing what makes you feel like you are truly a son or daughter of a Father in Heaven....royalty. William Shakespeare said, "Fearless minds climb soonest into crowns." I often find myself 'afraid' to serve other people, because i don't want them to think of it as pretentious, like I need a card or dinner in return.. Which of course is complete bullox. (sp?)
Anyway, I grew up being afraid of EVERYTHING. And now...not so much.

I was born to make manifest the glory of God that is within me.

Inspiring

HISTORIA DE UN LETRERO (THE STORY OF A SIGN)

Great movie

Friday night...Volleyball. Some good volleyball too! You know how I can tell it was good volleyball? My forearms are still on fire.

Saturday...in so much pain from the previous nights sport that I didn't fall asleep til 4 am, causing me to sleep in til noon. Went to the pool for a couple of hours....and then.....(drum roll please).....

Wow. So intense. You really can't even compare it with Ironman. Both are incredible, but this was just .....wow. Applause for Heath Ledger! He was amazing. I loved how with how crazy he had to act, his character still made the audience laugh at some parts, when for the majority of the time it was just scary. And Christian Bale..I think he has officially surpassed Crowe and is now my favorite actor of all time. Crowe had zoomed ahead after Gladiator...but Bale is so diverse and talented...and you can tell he works hard at everything he has ever done. And for all you others who claim to be a big fan of his....I win. I was diggin his chili back when he starred in "Empire of the Sun", I think he was about 12 years old. If you haven't seen that movie, you need to.
So, that was the highlight of this weekend. Thanks to Jason and Michelle for getting our tickets early. The whole weekend was sold out by Friday night.

Seinfeld makes me Smile

After a rough day at work I can always count on Jerry to make it all better again. Spencer, of course, goes without saying...but honorable mention goes to Mr. Jerry Seinfeld. I LOVE his video "Im Telling you for the Last Time". And not to mention popping in an episode of "Seinfeld" during my lunch break. Such a stress reliever. One of the few things I "need" to see before I die would be Mr. Seinfeld live in concert. If anyone out there knows how to score tickets to one of his shows...please enlighten me!

Help!

Why do I get so stressed when making vacation plans?? I shouldn't complain I guess, but seriously folks....STRESSED! I need the vacation to recover from the stress of buying the tickets. I actually break down crying in the airport...FOR NO REASON.
I am excited cause we just got our plane tickets for our 3rd semi-annual Bradford family Cabo San Lucas trip. However, I am just awaiting the email telling me our flights are canceled, that I'm not allowed on the airplane, or times change...or whatever. And I'm not joking....last year after we checked in at the airport to leave to Mexico, I burst into tears. Spencer was so confused. He figured I would cry when we would have to leave to come back home. NOPE. I was so relieved that we actually had our tickets in hand and on the way to the terminal and there were no problems that I started crying....And I'm not talking about one glistening tear. I WAS SOBBING!! I get so nervous the night before we go the airport that I sweat, I can't sleep AT ALL, and I quadruple check EVERYTHING. I am one of the most chill people I know. Except when I am about to go on vacation.
Coming back home...different story. I couldn't care less if something went wrong and I was able to stay a few days or even live there the rest of my life.
But can someone please offer an explanation or some tips on how to control my stressed state. I need serious help. Does anyone else go through the same thing?? Even while I was purchasing the tickets, I had to call all family members and confirm times and dates...I am a WRECK right now. I should be celebrating. Alas, I'll be popping Pepto for the next 4 months.

Family thoughts

I got news that one of my cousins had a baby yesterday and another cousin is going on a mission to Alabama. That is sooooo exciting!!
Sometimes I get so sad that my family is so small. Especially after Daniel passed away. And I only have 7 cousins. 2 of which I haven't seen since I was 10 years old, and the other 5 live in Salt Lake and are fabulous...but rarely get to see them. And my niece Siera ....well who knows when I'll ever get to see her again... I get so envious when I see all these HUGE family reunions and kids jumping in pools and BBQ's and siblings wrestling with each other. It makes me sad. But then I think of the family I DO have. My brother Matt is such a geek....and at the same time the coolest guy in the world, I couldn't have asked for a better oldest brother!! If Jerry Seinfeld and Ben Affleck ever had a baby...it would look just like him. And I can't wait for him to marry Jeanette, cause her family is HUGE and I will slowly and methodically maneuver my way into her HUGE family to be a necessary favorite at ALL family functions. And then my parents.....SO AWESOME! My dad is the coolest guy to have ever walked the planet ....see poem below....and my mom is the nicest, funniest, hippest mom I could have ever asked for, when the both of us start laughing at something at the same time....it usually takes hours for us to get control of ourselves again...so much fun.
Everyone always says the grass is greener on the other side....But when I stop and think about how awesome my family IS and how it IS growing...slowly but surely...I get all warm and fuzzy inside.
And then I think well, if you would just start having kids..... But then if I get in that mind set of "poor me" I think of how great Spencer and I have it right now. We can pick up and go whenever and wherever we please, we are rarely late for anything, we can go to movies in the theater, we have date night every other night, it's quiet, I don't have worry ulcers, etc.
I have realized that whatever situation people may be in....basic human nature makes us want what we don't have. Yes, I want kids and a LARGE family to always be able to play with ....but I am so happy with what I have now. And for that, I am extremely grateful.

Hit by a bus

That is how I feel today. Like I was hit by a bus....yesterday.
This is why...



Our new friends Roy and Robyn Gallagher invited us on their boat yesterday. It rocked. At one point I was doing a somersault over Spencer's head flying off that thing. Dennis had us going at least 30 mph. Spencer and I were still laughing on the way home.

And this was just sad.
That is how well I did wakeboarding. Im so irritated. 7 years ago, I was incredible on that thing. But after both forearm muscles were torn and shredded I forgot that I needed to turn my board at some point coming out of the water. It is NOT like riding a bike.
But the following was the funniest/nastiest parts of the day...
this is Robyn and Roy riding the tube...

and this is Robyn yacking over the side
We had just eaten lunch 15 minutes prior to this ride. poor Robyn.
Thanks for an INCREDIBLE DAY at Lake Norman, Gallaghers!!

Such a great Independence Day Weekend!!

Wow...I haven't had this great of a weekend since visiting Matty and JZ in DC.

Spencer's new business has been occupying so much of our time that all we ever have time for is a dinner and/or movie. Not the case this weekend. We actually didn't get to ANY movies this weekend. I think I am over my strong "necessary" desire to see "Wanted".
Alrighty then, so on our beautiful day of Independence I slept in until 9 am...then Spencer and I got ready to go to the Indian Trail parade. We got excellent spots. Right on the front line and at the top of a hill so we could see who and when what was coming. The best part of the parade was the very first group. The Veterans of Foreign Wars. (moment of silence please) .....
I was so glad I chose to wear my Mary Kate/Ashley Olson sunglasses. Tears would not stop falling when these incredible heroes were marching proudly by. The rest of the parade was sadly commercialized..people passing out coupons for their businesses....but just to see the VFW was well worth the trip.

After sitting in the sun for an hour and a half I was ready for my pool. Then, we headed over to Michelle and Jason's house for dinner and fireworks. and some Chase Merrill. Until I have my own children, this girl has my heart...


I am so bummed I didn't get a picture of Houston (Merrill dog) charging the fireworks. It happened right after this picture was taken of me and Chase. Dogs apparently don't like the high pitched squeal that is emitted from the whistling fireworks, and Houston was definitely on an immediate mission to cease and desist. hilarious.

I don't know why...but Michelle and I can't take normal pictures together.

So the fireworks were good...but Mother Nature blessed us tremendously. No rain...no thunder...INCREDIBLE lightning in the clouds right above us. I had never seen anything like it. It was like a little party in the cloud above us. And there was NO wind..so we watched lightning right above us for at least an hour. It was spectacular.
quote of the night:
Jason: "Maybe it's not a storm...have you ever seen "War of the Worlds"?

Happy Birthday USA!!

These are some photos of a DC trip a couple years ago...in honor of the 4th

YAY!

TOMORROW IS THE 4TH OF JULY!!!!

I am so excited. I feel like a kid at Christmas.
This past week sucked at work, so I am soooooo looking forward to this weekend.

Parades, Pools, BBQ's, Fireworks, and Wakeboarding....here we come.

Saw the movie "Hancock" on Tuesday. LOVED it. Again, not as much as Ironman. However, if the Buddhists have it right, I want to come back in my next life as Charlize Theron.







Now, I am debating on whether or not to see "Wanted". I am such a James McEvoy, Angelina Jolie, and Morgan Freeman fan. How could it not be good. I have vowed to not watch R rated movies, and I have done pretty good at that in the past 6 years. I've only watched 2...Black Hawk Down and 3:10 to Yuma. And you know....who's to say that they won't change the rating to PG-13 like they did with Last of the Mohicans. There isn't any nudity in the movie. And it took them forever to decide to finally put a rating on it, which means it is pretty close to PG-13 anyway.
The reason for me not wanting to watch R rated movies, is cause there is too much crap in movies nowadays that I don't want to fill my mind with anymore. I noticed after I stopped watching those movies I could really tell that I became a much more sensitive, compassionate, nicer person. So that is why. I know ....ONE R rated movie won't hurt....yeah....that's like trying to explain to an alcoholic that one more drink won't hurt. . Let me share.....the first movie i remember seeing in a movie theater was "Terminator". That movie was in theaters when I was 4 years old. yeah. Watching violent R rated movies in my house growing up was as common as milk.
So, do I hang a foot off the wagon or stay safely buckled down?